As This Heart Unfolds

How many beats does this heart have to make before it can be heard?

Surely, the silent whispers won’t last forever…

Inside are the screams of a broken piece searching for peace

But in a broken state, this broken place is not stable

Is God able? Of course He is, but am I able?

Am I able to sit back and allow God to complete His work?

Am I able to smile all the while knowing there’s a war in my mind?

I don’t want to cry anymore, but yet my tears are my interpreter

My motivation is no more, so I’m left to question my true motives

How many times do I have to say this…? “I don’t want to be here!”

This desert place is dry and lonely; it’s a painful experience

God, forgive me for my inconsistencies; I need you desperately

You said you’d rescue me! I’m holding you to that…

At this point, I’m like Paul, praying multiple times for this to be removed

But you gave me your word, “My grace is sufficient.”

Well, can it be sufficient somewhere else? I mean.... well, you see me

My mind needs to be renewed by the minute; this heart needs reviving

As you unfold me, I become broken just to be made whole

Am I done already? Please hear my call for help…

Speak.

My Brain Is Fighting My Fingers

I want to write, but I don't have the motivation

People keep messaging me asking, "Where is your next creation?"

The honest reality is my fingers are asking my brain for its cooperation

But my brain doesn't want to be apart of the demonstration....

And my fingers ask, "Well, why the lack of participation?"

My brain replies, "I'm simply not ready to do a collaboration."

But my brain doesn't understand my fingers dedication

And my fingers are longing to go back to writing new sensations

But I need a time out, and my brain wants to make a declaration

In poetry there is no time out, but I'll make a recommendation

All the while my brain is fighting my fingers to stop the humiliation

My fingers just wrote something new for you; Congratulations!

Introducing...

at what point did I lose my identity?
caught up on a road leading to nowhere yet never ending
searching for a girl inside of a woman all grown up
interior fades, exterior reveals skin so tough
so rough are the edges of this cover
girl looking for the world to love her
in her eyes there is a pain that has been building
the paint she used to hide behind is now peeling
but where did she go? Who has she become?
when things get hard she runs, forfeit the game, she’s done
a heart that longs to be loved is crushed
if life is a canvas, her tears are the paint, silence is her brush
Portrait after portrait tell of scars but she calls them "beauty marks"
because out of the ashes arose a beauty spark
so now I have to assure the little girl inside
though it feels like I've died, I'm actually alive
I feel like I've need to introduce myself to me
"Renee meet Crystal," "Crystal this is Renee but you can call her Re-Re"

The Proposal

so this guy proposed to me

crazy thing is he didn't get on one knee 

no he did it by hanging on a tree 

suffering for hours just so we could share eternity 

I wasn't thinking of him yet he thought of me 

took three nails, pierced side & crown of thorns for me 

and though he was royalty 

he came off his throne for a hill at Calvary 

this guy had so much love for me, he took my ashes and made beauty

though he knew my secrets he didn't shatter me

nor take my shame and scatter me 

no, he shed blood so I wouldn't become a casualty 

I was in an abusive relationship with sin but he rescued me 

he wanted me to be apart of the family 

he fulfilled every word of prophecy 

so in front of His father he said, "marry me."

Written January 13, 2012

The Wedding

Do you remember the day you and Jesus got married?

At that point you realized your sins He carried...

And He was so in love with you that for you He tarried

He wants to spend eternity with you so he couldn't stay buried

His commitment to this marriage makes others say wow

His life was the ultimate testament of his vow

Even when we cheated on him with our lover “Sin,”

His arms were always open to except us again and again...

A Perfect gentleman...

So do you take him for better or for worse?

Or when the times get tough you wanna different verse?

Do you take Him in sickness and in health?

Or is it only depending on how the cards are dealt?

Do you take Him in joy and in sorrow?

Or is it that “love him today but let's see what happens tomorrow”?

Even after death, He'll love you for eternity

Imagine that? Everyday celebrating your anniversary

So with urgency, He's in heaven preparing room...

So get ready, He's coming back for His bride real soon....