God, I know we spoke about this last week
But hindsight is showing I should learn to think before I speak
Because I don’t know what I wanna do
I said I want to be used, but I didn’t think that You
Would use me day and night, this isn’t alright
Should I really be training for a daily fight?
I wanted this on my terms and conditions
What you’re wanting is my total submission
Can we meet in the kitchen? I’m looking at the ingredients
I’m not too sure the road I’m on is expedient
See what I really meant, was that you can use me to a certain extent
I saw other people going through and I’m like, “I’ll take the hint”
But I was crying in worship, saying, “Lord you can use me”
Little did I know that meant I’d have to refuse me
Die to myself; put what I want toward the back of the shelf
Daily pour myself out to you; seek your direction and help
I know I signed the dotted line when I said yes
But this taking up my cross thing is killing my flesh
Ha! That’s what you want from me though… God you’re good
Because my flesh is slowing being destroyed like termites eating wood
So wait, it’s never really been about what I wanted in the first place?
Instead of what I want, I should really be seeking your face
The truth hurts, that’s probably one reason why we don’t read your word
Or why we don’t listen because then we’d have to be accountable to what is heard
Well God, I know my stubbornness can be a stumbling block
And I’m so glad you got me when you could’ve stayed with the rest of the flock
Look at me, Lord, I need to be completely made over
Cleanse my way of thinking; I need to humble myself lower
Lord I pray you make my life a representation
That you aren’t just meant for the Sunday congregation
You give the desires of our hearts but according to your will
Therefore, I’m determined to move forward even if that means standing still
Or being killed in the line of duty
All I want to do is behold your beauty
God, it’s yours truly; I thought I knew what I wanted in life
Now every day I see that all I really need is to prepare to be a wife
In other words, the bride of Christ and just let him in
After all, He took it all so I wouldn’t have to die in my sin
If I am to be more like you, then let me entreat this
Consume me so when people ask me who I am, I’ll say, “I would tell you but I no longer exist…”
