Friends Pt. 1

I started writing this poem back in January ('09), and yet it still isn't complete. Usually when I need to get something off my mind or heart, I grab a pen and pad and just flow... but this one?! This has to be one of the most difficult pieces I've written. I realized I'm going to have to break it up in parts because there's just too much I have to say... I could only write a few lines at a time because it was too heavy. Even before posting this I tried to continue, but I just said, I'd post this as "Friends Pt. 1" Don't hesitate to comment on this one...

::WARNING: this poem is about as real as it gets!::

Copyright: 2009 A Peace of crySTYLE

I was 6 years old when I was introduced to this friend
He knew what he wanted; he never tried to pretend
It started out with an inappropriate touch
Yet gave the attention I was looking for much
But it left me so confused, thinking and feeling misused and abused
Never realized that this would open the door to other issues
So this friend followed me everywhere throughout school
Had me going out of character, playing a character who wanted the “in” crowd that was cool
But I didn't anticipate nor appreciate the date his friend played me for the fool

When I was 6 years old I was introduced to this friend
Then he said, “Let me introduce you to my friend.”
So this friend's attack was real close to me; it was family
And still to this day I think, “Why did it have to be me?”
He used family members on both sides
Never saw it coming yet the door was open wide
One got caught, the other didn't; I had nowhere to hide
Yet this friend was there watching from the sideline
Too ashamed to speak my heart was weak, I kept it all inside


When I was 12 I was introduced to a friend who had connections
Had me looking to everything but THE SOURCE for affection
My heart had no protection; thoughts had no correction
My eyes were blind, I had no sign; I was walking in the wrong direction
Seeking for love's perfection, my mind said there was no such thing
So this friend started playing tricks on me
First I started seeing stuff; then I started hearing voices
It affected what I did and why I made my choices
This bold guy introduced himself as “Perversion”
He had me so messed up; I was in complete submersion


When I was 15 years old I was introduced to a friend who love me to death
In fact His sole mission was to take away my breath
His name was Depression and he had a cousin named Suicide
I guess they liked me because they came over all the time
If my life could be a shopping spree, I’d say they were splurging
Doing anything and everything to keep my life swerving
So I tried to get rid of them, notice I said, “me”
I guess they told me there would be a cost if I wanted to be free
But see, the devil became a master of photography
The only thing is his pictures where images of pornography
Branded deep inside of me, Perversion wasn’t no joke
He figured I wouldn't move if my spirit he continued to choke...

To be continued....

I’ll Take It From Here

Written By C. Renee’
Copyright: 2009 Sirius Peace of crySTYLE

I know that Tuesday you thought you wouldn’t make it through
My word never fails; I told you I’d be there for you
Remember I was there too; I did what I had to
I see the brokenness, but trust I am the glue
But see now I miss you, you haven’t talked to me since
I’ve been trying to get your attention, but not once have you flinched
So is that how it’s going to be? I thought you said you trusted me?
I walked right by you that day; was it that you didn’t want to see?
How do you think this makes me feel? Didn’t you say yes to MY will?
I know the pain and hurt is real, remember I watched my Son be killed
I hold life and death in my hand like that red and blue pill
I’ll protect you if you’ll allow me to be your shield
So let me take it away…

I’m speaking from my heart; Lord that day was hazardous
I thought you’d raise her up; after all, you spoke life to Lazarus
Yet on that day, as my sister faded away from us
I had to come to grips that your ways are always just
Lord forgive me for not speaking to you
My praise should be the same no matter what I’m going through
I know this experience is a lesson I must learn
You gotta help me; my mind is almost at a point of no return
No one saw this one coming, our eyes were so blind
Yet even in this you saw the opportunity for your light to shine
If life were a symphony, I need to be put back on the right key
Look at my plate; my mental state is borderline insanity
I’ll stop; no more play…


Dedicated to: Shawn Johnson
In Memory of: "Tori" Foley