Breakthrough In My Brokenness (Side B)

Inspired by: H. Shawn Norman

I see now that you had me in the fire, with a purpose like Jeremiah
For in my mother’s womb you shaped me with destiny and a desire
A desire to speak to nations, seek your truth with wisdom and revelation
And through your word offer the joy of your salvation
So through the years and tears, the joys and the fears
You placed strength in me I didn’t realize I had to help me persevere
Father, can you make it clear? My “there” is now here
I’ve been chosen and considered for such a time as this
Yet, I need you to restore me; heal me in spite of my brokenness
This test came with some lessons perhaps I couldn’t study for
However, this has only brought me to a place of dwelling on your threshing floor
And now I need you more and more; possibly more than the day before
When I thought I was losing this race, you stepped in my place to even the score
If it’s not one thing, it’s another; tried to stay under the covers
For a split second I thought you didn’t care until you reminded me that we were lovers
You love me where I am, while loving me to where I am going to be
You changed up the recipe so I wouldn’t give up on the road to destiny
You’re the God who specializes in storms that get worse
You’re the only one I know who can speak to the waves and command them to reverse
Lord, quench my thirst; no better yet, keep me longing for your water
If everything was 100, there would be no need to stay on the altar
When I began to falter, Lord please keep me on the straight and narrow
I must keep pressing; draw me back like a bow to an arrow
Continue watching over me like your eye is on the sparrow
I no longer desire to stay in Egypt; give me the boldness to speak to Pharaoh
Your word says if I abide in You, in me You will abide
But sometimes, I can barely eat the main entrée let alone the sides
Entangled in a web like my issues have gone worldwide
I thought I had the combination to the lock but my access was denied
Like Jacob, I’m walking this one out but holding on to my hip
“Angel, I won’t let you go even if it means tightening up my grip!”
My tears began to drip because to You they are prophetic
Wherever you go I’ll follow; wow, now that’s magnetic
It might be hectic, might feel neglected; but for you I’ve been elected
It was unexpected, might be rejected; but my life is Christ’s; therefore, it is reflected
I’m steadfast to your promise; it’s in your word that I hide
When you’re ready to turn this track over, Lord I know you’ll “show me the flipside”!

Broken Whole,
...

Broken Whole...

Dedicated to: YOU

Somewhere along the line I was told that my misery was my ministry
But when I look back and reflect, I wonder if I failed miserably
I see the eyes of a few, then I wonder what to do, the path I choose
Where do I go from here? Grow from here? Show from here?
Someone said, “Have no fear,” but my glass is unclear
My heartbeat is racing; I’m pacing back and forth in decision
Words are the sharp knife that nearly took my life; what an incision
So I check my shoes because they seem to no longer fit
Let me go get a fresh towel, one I can throw in when I quit
Let me spit. Let me get this out real quick
I was at the scene of the crime, I’ll admit it
I’m not sure at what point I killed me
I realize perhaps at my own expense the evidence reveals that I’m guilty
I’m trying to breathe in deep but I smell a different kind of aroma
I’m walking away numb to it all like a spiritual coma
Yet, I’m zoned out; my oil supply is tapped out
I thought I had a way out, had my way mapped out
Ref, can I call a time out? Is it time for me to sit out?!
I’m not just moving my mouth, I’m know I’m talking out loud
How is it that you say I’m free though I feel bound?
How can you be on cloud nine while I’m still on the ground?
You picked me up and shattered me; it caused me to be in pieces like Reese’s
As much as I’ve lived this life, it feels like I’m still on the first sentence of my thesis
In spite of the brokenness, looking forward I know the point is this
I’d rather have God be for me than become a target on His hit list
Don’t dismiss this; He’s the savior of this misfit
Even though I know at times I can be my own worst critic
I’m like parts of a puzzle waiting to show the complete picture
I’m the clay in His sculpture; go back and read the scripture
Everything in me wanted to give up based on what I saw with my eyes
And who do I trust when truth reveals itself to be lies?
Can’t say I’ve been in this place before, this is definitely new
So you’re saying I’m a daily work? I guess I’ll gear up for round two
I might be pieces the Master created to say the least
But He broke me to make me whole; therefore I’m a masterpiece…

Dominant Gene

Copyright 2009 Sirius Peace of crySTYLE

This is a story about a guy named Gene
Gene was so clean you could see it in his lean
He stayed focus; yet, people took it as being mean
Gene was very humble; one well oiled machine
I remember the day Gene came on the scene
His presence was cool, calm and so serene
This dude’s prominence was unlike anything I’d ever seen
Finding someone with his dominance was far and in between
I wanted to find out what made Gene so keen
He had everyone hyped up like caffeine
Maybe he had a daily habit or a morning routine
So I asked, “Is it ok, if I ask a question Gene?”
Gene said, “Ask what you will my queen.”
I asked, “How do you shine so bright people need sunscreen
And you make a person’s heart go on like Celine?
Boy you’re more positive and inspirational than Joel Osteen
While others are pulling weeds, your grass is always green”
He smiled at me as he straighten his blue jeans
“I’m no one special; just a young man from a town called Killeen
I guess my life changed around the age of sixteen
I was visiting a church when I met a woman named Kathleen
Kathleen was a kind woman who introduced me to her younger sister Maxine
They talked to me about a man from whom I could glean
They told me though I was infected by sin, this man provided the vaccine
I thought, “What would this man want with this teen?”
I was filthy all over but that day, God gave me a steam clean
I tried to hide, but down inside He saw through me like a door screen
When I look back, I see now it was God who kept me from dangers unseen
What’s funny is I’m just a student and everyone is out to make me the dean
And everyone wants to be like me; ask my boy Eugene
But honestly, ask yourself are you willing to be stretched like a widescreen?
People say they want meat but can’t get off milk because they refuse to be weaned
I’m a Prince adopted into the royal family; the Holy Spirit fills me like a canteen
I was made in the image of my Daddy; after all He’s the King!"

Check Ya Appetite

Written By C. Renee’
Copyright 2009 Sirius Peace of crySTYLE


Have we become so careless that we could care less about our health?
Because we’re so hungry we will eat anything off the shelf
Shoving everything down our throats, keeping it to our self
Becoming heavy to the point the buckle has to be loosen around our belt
At first it was good but the outcome was something you didn’t anticipate
Should have looked and read the expiration date; sorry two days late
If only we’d wait, we’d realize some things aren’t meant for our plate
But desperation follows so we swallow at any rate
Spiritually bulimic we go for anything we can get our hands on
But then throw it back up when the feeling doesn’t last long
Now my warning may cause some to turn their backs on me
But I believe there is a reason labels have “Nutrition Facts” in plain sight to see
Just because it’s edible doesn’t mean it’s meant for you to eat
Just like every word God gives you isn’t meant for you to speak
Every story you hear isn’t meant for you to repeat
Just like every shoe that comes out isn’t meant to touch your feet
So what am I saying? Sometimes we make ourselves sick them blame the enemy
It’s the classic “He Said, She Said;” “Who did it? ‘Not me’”
Tipping the scale because we’re overweight with the cares of this life
Then we get upset when our nutritionist suggests that our portions get sliced
Or would you rather get sliced? His word is the sharpest knife
I’m just trying to point you to the Christ; now that’s what I call, “Seeing the light”

Friends Pt. 1

I started writing this poem back in January ('09), and yet it still isn't complete. Usually when I need to get something off my mind or heart, I grab a pen and pad and just flow... but this one?! This has to be one of the most difficult pieces I've written. I realized I'm going to have to break it up in parts because there's just too much I have to say... I could only write a few lines at a time because it was too heavy. Even before posting this I tried to continue, but I just said, I'd post this as "Friends Pt. 1" Don't hesitate to comment on this one...

::WARNING: this poem is about as real as it gets!::

Copyright: 2009 A Peace of crySTYLE

I was 6 years old when I was introduced to this friend
He knew what he wanted; he never tried to pretend
It started out with an inappropriate touch
Yet gave the attention I was looking for much
But it left me so confused, thinking and feeling misused and abused
Never realized that this would open the door to other issues
So this friend followed me everywhere throughout school
Had me going out of character, playing a character who wanted the “in” crowd that was cool
But I didn't anticipate nor appreciate the date his friend played me for the fool

When I was 6 years old I was introduced to this friend
Then he said, “Let me introduce you to my friend.”
So this friend's attack was real close to me; it was family
And still to this day I think, “Why did it have to be me?”
He used family members on both sides
Never saw it coming yet the door was open wide
One got caught, the other didn't; I had nowhere to hide
Yet this friend was there watching from the sideline
Too ashamed to speak my heart was weak, I kept it all inside


When I was 12 I was introduced to a friend who had connections
Had me looking to everything but THE SOURCE for affection
My heart had no protection; thoughts had no correction
My eyes were blind, I had no sign; I was walking in the wrong direction
Seeking for love's perfection, my mind said there was no such thing
So this friend started playing tricks on me
First I started seeing stuff; then I started hearing voices
It affected what I did and why I made my choices
This bold guy introduced himself as “Perversion”
He had me so messed up; I was in complete submersion


When I was 15 years old I was introduced to a friend who love me to death
In fact His sole mission was to take away my breath
His name was Depression and he had a cousin named Suicide
I guess they liked me because they came over all the time
If my life could be a shopping spree, I’d say they were splurging
Doing anything and everything to keep my life swerving
So I tried to get rid of them, notice I said, “me”
I guess they told me there would be a cost if I wanted to be free
But see, the devil became a master of photography
The only thing is his pictures where images of pornography
Branded deep inside of me, Perversion wasn’t no joke
He figured I wouldn't move if my spirit he continued to choke...

To be continued....

I’ll Take It From Here

Written By C. Renee’
Copyright: 2009 Sirius Peace of crySTYLE

I know that Tuesday you thought you wouldn’t make it through
My word never fails; I told you I’d be there for you
Remember I was there too; I did what I had to
I see the brokenness, but trust I am the glue
But see now I miss you, you haven’t talked to me since
I’ve been trying to get your attention, but not once have you flinched
So is that how it’s going to be? I thought you said you trusted me?
I walked right by you that day; was it that you didn’t want to see?
How do you think this makes me feel? Didn’t you say yes to MY will?
I know the pain and hurt is real, remember I watched my Son be killed
I hold life and death in my hand like that red and blue pill
I’ll protect you if you’ll allow me to be your shield
So let me take it away…

I’m speaking from my heart; Lord that day was hazardous
I thought you’d raise her up; after all, you spoke life to Lazarus
Yet on that day, as my sister faded away from us
I had to come to grips that your ways are always just
Lord forgive me for not speaking to you
My praise should be the same no matter what I’m going through
I know this experience is a lesson I must learn
You gotta help me; my mind is almost at a point of no return
No one saw this one coming, our eyes were so blind
Yet even in this you saw the opportunity for your light to shine
If life were a symphony, I need to be put back on the right key
Look at my plate; my mental state is borderline insanity
I’ll stop; no more play…


Dedicated to: Shawn Johnson
In Memory of: "Tori" Foley

Hidden Agenda Too

Hidden Agenda Too
Copyright: 2009 Sirius Peace of crySTYLE

We want Christ to do all the work while we get paid
Let Him be the sacrifice while we sit in the shade
Thinking we got it made, thinking we need no aid
When in fact many are border-lining from worldly and being saved
We don’t wanna be the sacrifice, don’t wanna live the life
Don’t wanna rep the Christ, don’t wanna pay the price
Don’t wanna be cut and sliced, don’t wanna remove the ice
From around our heart, instead we’re infected like a head with lice
Did you think you’d be exempt from all of the persecution?
This walk isn’t like sports; you can’t call for a substitution
Yet God had a resolution, He sent Christ as a contribution
To pay for the sins of the world; now that’s distribution
And the message in the pulpit? No wonder the church is sick
When it came to the draft, the world got the number one pick
The church wants to be the world; the world desperately wants the church
News flash: using the devil to win devils just won’t work
Think about it: it’s impossible, let’s be logical
What I’m saying isn’t deep; it doesn’t take being theological
In fact it’s probable; look at the mounting evidence
Go back to Genesis, we’ve been running ever since
Back and forth, around the court, changing sports
Building forts all because we’re afraid to be on one accord with the Lord
Ready to go overboard because we didn’t get the prize we were hoping for
Walking away from the game because He wasn’t the right guy behind the door
And like an open sore, if not medicated it gets worse
Being out of order trying to get blessed will get you cursed
Go back and check your thirst; what are you drinking?
If it’s not the living aqua, then what are you thinking?
Deception is quickly soaking up the land
No one wants the truth; lies seem to be in high demand
Like quick sand so many are sinking fast
We can’t move from our past because we want the hurt to last
I’m not one to blast, but it must be said
We’re living an open book test with answers that are barely read
Like a magazine life is nothing but a subscription of issues
So like a sequel to this movie, this one is to be continued…

Broken whole,

C. Renee’

Hidden Agenda

::I REALLY I hope this touches someone!::

People used to get hated by the world and bring the church their hurt
Now they go back to the world because they got hurt in the church
But what we don't seem to realize is that the church is just a building
And it’s the spirit of God who dwells inside that provides the healing...
Now a day’s people leave the church because of "he say, she say"
Then say it was the spirit moving them into a new way
Okay, please believe that I hear what you say,
But church isn’t Burger King, you can't always have it your way
We concentrate more on the messenger than the message
And if he didn't hoop and we didn't holler, we didn't get our blessing
If we only realized that we are the church within the building
There would be fewer witnesses every Sunday to spiritual killing
Modern-day Pharisees, we're so quick to judge the sick
And if they don't fit our mold of "saint," we rush them out quick
Though saved by grace, we've all fallen short of His glory
God knows us better than ourselves, its HIStory
We compete against each other; best shout, longest tongue
And promote ourselves for getting saved so young
We conform to the world, but when has the world conformed to us?
When have you known for a secular artist to open up for Jesus?
And because this is so accepted, no wonder we're lukewarm
Using the world to win the world is only causing harm
I think I found the weapon formed and it’s growing by the minute
The bible says to be not of this world though we live in it
And this generation of youth conform their lifestyle to fit in a culture
That doesn't realize its path will led to eternal torture
And I guess everybody is going to Heaven; no one talks about Hell
Yet the fact is with each second it continues to swell
I should no longer dwell on the subject, its too scary
Doesn't have to be that way if we repent and say, "Lord, prepare me."
Time is winding up and there are only two destinations
And where we spend eternity all depends on our salvation
Don't let anyone tell you, you have to get better before you can be better
Jesus can meet you where you are and put you together
Whether in the world or in the church, we'll face hurt that's life
But there's nothing like the experience of being covered in the blood of Jesus Christ!

Broken whole,

C. Renee'

Good Mornting! This is my first official post on this blog! Yay! Please bare with me as I make this transition... I do have other sites and things of that nature, so I'm just trying to get organized. With that said, I ask that you please express your thoughts and comments :) Know that I write on inspiration and I will definitely "go there," and keep it real at the same time! lol

Feel free to visit my other blog http://1anointedgurl.blogspot.com There is more to come!!! :)